The woman I once aspired to be.
At the age of 8, she sat by me and said ‘I look at these people in executive attire making decisions of both coporate and personal, perhaps trivial but the point is, they are influentially rich. I never become that woman. Just so you know where my dream lies right now. It’s in you. In all of you.’
Little did she knew that an 8 year old kid was (to my wonder as well) capable of deciphering (perhaps distorting) every single word that was uttered that evening. Little that I knew I was capable of unearthing the underlying message which was merely a slip of thought from her while she gazed into that film screen. I was a kid damn it and to be subjected to such deep one-way conversation, it was unfair. Yet it was the most important thing that happened to me in the course of growing up in that first decade of my life. It then became my purpose in life. To become what she failed to be.
Work hard, get the red stars not the red marks, please the teachers, get the ‘excellent conduct’, move to first class, go to a good school, get good grades, minimise L1R5, graduate, ‘do what you like’ equates do the course you like in a University, and graduate, get a secure job, and don that executive attire. Of course with minor technical glitches in between, by fluke or by crook, i managed to tick off 99% of her to do list. Simple, but what next?
Three quarter way through the second decade of life, i realised that was not mine, that was her aspirations. To declare a 21st-year life crisis, there are a few more months to go. Not yet.
I am thankful for that guidance while it last. Unlike for most and for many in my circle, where financial matter only stems out when one has to decide between a prada bag and a gucci top, the green notes seem to be the topic of the day, night, week even at birthday dinners lately, since i can barely remember when. The path in years to come will hardly be as smooth as it was in that first decade, I reckoned.
Money does influence but to influence one does not need the green notes, said the wise man. The wiser man replied, the wise man who does not have the money takes twice the effort to influence the unwise man who does have the money who takes half the effort to influence the wise man who does not.
Damn, i need a breather.
That aspiration of hers was based on the above or so i perceived. And thus dreams, often conjured up with the green notes in mind. Lately, another session of enlightment; a great artist hardly becomes one when profit comes into play. If does so, his call would be an entrepreneur. What if one aspires to be both? A tricky wicky wish from the busy genie. That shall be my part for the coming phase.
It saddens me, however, to converse with a fifteen year old whose aspirations are as high as her teacher’s advise to graduate and hold an executive post in one of our sky scrapers. It worries me more when parents limit the dream of a child to that which pays him a six figure salary.
Until yesterday, my dream mirrored that of the advice from my practical chinese uncle. Until yesterday i dreamt to graduate and prepare for my first interview, to don that executive outfit. But as of yesterday, the added on (or newfound) aspiration is to continue graduating from various disciplines of my interest. And as of yesterday, their aspirations will not be limited to those written in the school textbook. Of course keeping in mind the words of the wiser man, one hopes to exit this phase in life by leaving behind some wisdom in the mind of those who are (alike me now) just learning to make sense out of it all.
To my little cousin whose curfew’s shortened due to a less than an impressive PSLE cert; that figure is the least accurate judgement of one’s intelligence and you are one of the most brilliant kid ever present, perhaps the only one in your entire neighborhood. Chin up, my boy.
