all begins with L

(drum roll please…)

I’m back to school, for good!

Well I’d be lying to say that I’m not disappointed but I’m bouncing up back pretty fast. Criedwholenight-checked, curseatthejudges-checked, justifytheself-checked, makenewplans-checked, getdrunk-notyet(maybenot), haveashag-soon, and I thank you all for your well wishes!

Gosh, it was hell of an enlightening experience and if you ask me what do I take from this?
A moment of self-discovery. I may not get the travelling and the living bit but yes, a discovery nonetheless.

Erm, it would have been more painful if the destinations were seriously to die for, but hey they will be covering United States of America! Ya.

It was a sweet disruption from daily routine, now I welcome the self back to reality, no tv.

Click Here!
Because this is the second craziest thing I’ve done in 21 years of living. And FINAL audition is tomorrow.

What?! Some macs can’t play it. Tech support please!

“You learn . . . even the ability to compartmentalize ethics”
–Ellen Goodman.

They say your iTunes “Top 25 Most Played” list tells alot about oneself. Hmm… Let’s see,

‘Charles Mingus’s Eat That Chicken’ played 39 times along with ‘I Eat Dinner by Mr. Wainwright’, (I should stop dieting really), ‘Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk’ 42 times(fuct), ‘Blower’s Daughter’ at 54 and oh look! I’ve got a couple of Beethoven’s lined up (highly recommended for those with hormonal changes at 6.9 Richter Scale).

And ‘Eve, The Apple of My Eye’ tops the chart at 115 times played. Arh…
Maybe I need a shrink, no?

For the truth hurts but pretending hurts more. And I thank you for telling… really.

While the self nods to attest to a friend’s take on the new term, the heart roams around in transient mode, as my two feet follows through the partial timetable.

Everything at present now is a flashback in the making, well of course, but even more so because my soul is moving way ahead of its moment. I can’t help but feel like an observer of my very own life. And it is so hard to get involve when all I see is just snippets of uncertainty.

Well, at least I know that if it is not meant to be, I have something else to look forward to because Prof J.D. kicks ass. Perhaps then, I am destined to be behind the suit rather than the screen.

Only God knows, truly.

I need a Mac and a Canon, and life will be complete.

Oh, and a Theo… yes please.

And so my life story depicts that of the coming Season Four plus all of the last three seasons combined, taking roles of various characters including that of the director’s and producer’s alike. (I am still very bitter by the fact that Carmen is not part of next season. What’s the point of watching?!!?#@$@$@)
It’s rollercoaster no more but an eternity series of bungee jumps of which the degree of elasticity of the rope increases as I take on the next sequence of the ride.

It’ll only make you stronger my friend.
And more immune, perhaps.

But hey, we made a pact. And when that day comes, maybe….maybe it’ll be less of a mess. Then again, life is also an endless chain of bell curves. Embrace chaos, because I do.

I’m back. Hellooooo Helloooo……..

My video got shortlisted. Will post link soon. To whoever who wants to view it.

And it really sux that I can’t share my joy with you but sorrow and sorrow alone
What can I do for I have done~

And I dedicate it all to you, truly.

You have all the right to protect yourself.
You taught me to live in the moment, I gave my all to it.
And I regret not a second of it.
For those eighteen months will never die in me even if you’ve said the death of it.
You and I both know that there is another chapter to this, perhaps one that is set in a different light.
All I’m asking is for that new chapter to begin because I need to.
And at the expense of the comfort that we’ve gain, I have to.
Perhaps there is an inevitable protocol to follow, that is to heal, one has to hate and to hate, the other has to hurt.
This time hurting hurts as much as being hurt, and it has to. God, it does.

Despite whatever the ruling is, I plead to be here for you no matter what, unless you don’t want me to.
Perhaps you don’t see the point of it all, because there is no point to begin with and perhaps that was the beauty of it…

I beg you…

I’m all out of faith.

To be the one hurting at the end of it all, I’m really sorry, I really am.
And I know you’re hurt, so bad
Because I am
And I know no words to soothe it all
And I have no right to demand
But to have you in my life still
And that would be my utmost precious gift

I’m really sorry baby…

Because I am tired of intellectual pursuits and pensive slash mindfuckin’ days,

This is for you ladies to oogle at and for you boys to do likewise.

God, I wanna move like this.
And Pussycat Dolls brings out the stage whore in me.

Guess what’s the name of the lead singer? No prizes for guessing, really.
Hahaha.

To one of the biggest catalyst of the rollercoaster(s) of my life~

I know we haven’t seen each other for a while. Perhaps life works in manner which forbades frequent updates or either that you have your reasons for the distance.

Still, I do occasionally wonder about your being. As a friend, as the accidental confidante, as the few precious beings whom I owe to for who I am now, you will always be one of them whom I will unlock the unconscious, to return to, every now and then.

I hope you are breathing the brighter side of life.

I know you know who you are~

The Lake House is proabably the most cliched film ever made to date, more than all of my bottom 100 films combine. Blame it on carbon copy love liners. Love is blah blah blah blah blah blah…
And hell, I don’t have a grudge against Keanu Reeves but when one fakes a sneeze like that, God there must be some talent in this world than just the looks. It’s a brilliant concept turn Keanu.

As a fan of twisted-sappy-lovin’ storyline, I’d put this story along side Closer if not for the lack of originality in the script.
For a while there, I could hear myself talking behind the screen. “I kissed him, so what, what are you? in high sch?”

Exact line from Julia Roberts in Closer: “And yes we kissed, what are you? 12?”

Sorry Agresti, we heard that, been there, done that.

Sandra Bullock, however, is the saving grace.
As usual ladies, where would we be without us.

Oh yes, Happy Independence Day to the highly dependent us.

“You make and kill
With mere presence
A glimpse of you sets all in place
Otherwise nothing seems to light my days
Why is it that it must be this way
You clip my wings without a say
You left it, I sent it
I want it back
And fucking hell, I want it back.”

I guess I am one of the lucky few to have always been loved.
Occasionally love comes knocking and made to leave unentertained.
I doubted the existence of it.
What is this of an overated chemical reaction, really?

Until, it comes striking like Bruce Al Mighty’s call to greatness.
And hell, it comes in an unforgivable package.
Blissful, dreamy moments aside. We’ve seen it on and off screen.
Love can be and will be agonizing.
Embrace it or be deprived.

Something that can never be understood by only receiving.
And does not neccessarily entails two. I learnt to love and what it meant to do so.
It’s awefully painful. Infliction of wound that never bleed yet hurts like it’ll never heal.
To describe it physically, one could almost feel the sunken surface of the dearest heart whenever the L word is professed.
I find it fascinating more than anything.

There are people who went through life without experiencing that kind of pain.
I think I am blessed to have come across it.
Because it is equally as painful as it has been blissful.

No pain, no gain honey. What do you expect?

The Dad has been in an absurdly generous mode lately, much to my benefit.

I’m not a big fan of handphones though recent spottings might suggest otherwise. I tend to have a bimbotic outlook when it comes to the aesthetics and I don’t see why my electronic gadgets should be spared from that.

Until recently, I’ve never been marvelled at anything with batteries (except for…). It seems near impossible to have a good looking battery operated gizmo that comes with all the neccessary specs of the 21st century, that I CAN AFFORD.

But yes, I’ve land myself a new phone (again) courtesy of The Dad. It is not as pretty and as useless as my previous (new) phone. Despite the lack of aesthetic appeal, I am thrilled because I have bluetooth to sync it with my laptop for more kickass presentations in the term to come. And it comes with a 2 megapix/vid/mp3/3G specs!

Not exactly a head tuner but does exude some sexual prowess.
I like.