all begins with L

on why i’m at peace: this is a cut&paste so don’t be offended. )

“Alright, here we go.

Eight months on and I am declaring that my quarter life crisis is coming to a proper wrap. After series of interviews, taking aims and pursuing ‘proper’ jobs, I walked away from the last interview feeling utterly relieved knowing that I wouldnt be taking up the position despite putting on a good show.

After an hour of grilling the CEO looked at me and say that I am not one who value sales as much as marketing. I looked at him and went “absolutely.” We all know that a good product is a matter of being communicated, sales is a by-bonus end results. Chey-bah. )

After which I recommended him a good restaurant to have lunch in and he asked me to join him. But then I thought my time with him that day was already over stretched.

I am however meeting him again for possible collaboration. I’m beginning to embrace this mantra of working with people, not for people, even if you’re in a company. And that’s exactly what I’m gearing on with this coffee stint.

True enough, couple of weeks down the road, I saw the present in light. I start to work with what’s around me, my customers, my colleagues, the bosses and just working with the present value.

After seven months I’ve gradually make known to the managers of what I really want to do professionally and right now I’m co-interior designing the new coming cafe these guys are setting up. End of August I’ll be heading to Italy for the Biennale.

Coming back I’ll be starting an introductory course on Interior Design, not a masters nor a bachelor but a starting point. I’m beginning to love London for what it’s worth. Even today taking a new bus route home, I chance upon a road I’ve yet to stroll by.

It hasn’t been easy, I’ve made fools out of myself and still catching myself doing so at times, I’ve gotten quiet lately, perhaps having something to do makes you talk less, and if you talk less then you’ll really find something to do. The equation seems to work at present moment.”

THE FOLLOWING IS NOT CUT&PASTE, SO PAY ATTENTION. )

well, yes the ceo extended a dinner invitation next week. why not. and there’s a new distraction in town. when i get a name, i’ll let you know.

i found an interior design course from st martin which i’ll be signing up for when i get back from Italy. starts in October. Lola leaves London for good tomorrow, i’m quite sad about it actually.

i kinda fought with Sanran, I don’t know how to put it across to him that I can’t be friends with him anymore unless we completely put aside this intimacy.

on a more trivial note, i’m meeting ms. elizaveta tomorrow.

man?women?man?women? is never the question. )

you, i miss, as always.

now what next
for the coming decade

ps. i miss the family

yea, i’d like to keep this one

as a friend

so i’m a bit hesitant this time around

with the ego

and the libido.

i don’t know about you but i’m looking forward to (people) getting back to work!

there’s a certain ritual to ushering in the new year, or rather if you’re a less futuristic person (with a history major) you would say instead, ‘to wrap up the year’. And they are almost accurately as follows:

a) reading old letters/blog post
b) scrolling through phone numbers
c) and delete those you’d probably not need to remember about (or pursue) in the new phase of your life
d) decide whether you really should delete their numbers
e) chart how old your virtual pets are, namely your blog, your flickr acccount, your twitter account, ourchart account, hotmail account??!
f) re reading certain post and stomach a guffaw, re re re reading another post
g) that brings a trip down memory lane that turns into another lane, then goes waaay into the back lane
h) and go “omg C, look what i found!!”
i) and go bloody hell! my blog is turning three!

the flings, the affairs, the trials, the pursuits, the fantasies that partially morphed into bitter sweet realities, here we we go again.

if the adrenaline of having a crush has an inverse quantum relation to hunger, i’ll be one to attest to it.

The week took an upturn, like an endless chain of (economic) bell curves, the downward slope can only go so low. The weekend is here for a little bit of recklessness and a little time off from the browser. The ex is here in town, to see my new found love with her new found love. In Turkish we say, neden olmasin.

Why not.

fluttr could be a domain name for (oh no not) another online social network, because that’s exactly what (/i haveinthestomach) i’m feeling right now before a first meet - offline.

;)

“English is the sexiest language on earth.” - this can only come from a drunk French.

A (said) : I like men in uniforms.
B (said) : I like men in all forms.
C (said) : I like men in hot forms.

i finally made the virgin pilgrim to istanbul’s famous club of xx chromosomes, quite a paradox to sexual fluidity so perhaps i should say ‘xx-xy-yy-yx’. i hardly frequent gay clubs for one it’s too punk a scene, often filled with seventeen year olds seemingly eye-lined with thick tip marker pen or forty seven year olds (who drag with mustaches) donning harley davidson leather jackets - theme party stuck in seventies.

but the scene is changing (and i heard the same for back in the motherland), where power suits and studded heels are slowly but surely gracing the affair. so we waited, one hour pass, then two hours, then two and a half when a group of alpha types sashayed into the club, bringing new york (or san frans) to istanbul.

a friend said “i want to live in the l word” - the one show that has single handedly distort my perception of beauty.

i’m not a snob, just a femme fan.

it has been half a year of utter randomness
it began with a planned program
immersing myself in a new culture
where a cup of coffee tells it all

turkey

then midway to a pilgrimage equivalent
to satisfy the palate

spain awaits

i find myself in transit
in a flash in a train in an hour
if the city is a song, it’ll be an indie song

zurich

unexpectedly i found myself teleported back home
surrounded by the familiar, the old, the permanent
the ones i have missed and yearned to see

singapore

one month later i find myself in another city
a dream much thought about, a decade’s worth of believing
and now that i am here, the wonderland has shrunk into an ornament
like that perfect little snowball souvenir one would find in the harrods shopping mall

london

in cold ash thatcham
i wake up everyday at six and go to bed at ten
yoga every tuesday and other random things at hand
today i went mountain biking
spotting white horses along the hillsides

and i think to myself, what a random random world

two and a half weeks left before reality confronts
a home, a job, a room to hunt

Booking reference:
EDP6N6N
17 aug five am

i have chosen istanbul
to put an end
to this utter randomness of mine

“You make me happy, double.” - you

“I love you but I love me more. I’ve been in this relationship for fourty-nine years darling.” - SATC

“…when he colors, he barely stays within the lines.” - SATC

“I just love coloring.” (laughs) - SATC

“I’m such a lucky blessed fuck.” - you know who you are

in random mornings
in random thoughts
little dreams do come true

like you
in my inbox

and how i love the improper structure
of little grammatical error

a friend said
it’s endearing isn’t it

indeed
indeed.

Istanbul is a drug. We shoot it in our veins from dusk to dawn, and have bread to soak it up in the day.
Alexander Hacke began his narration “it is a land of contrast…”

It is to me an oxymoron in every sense of an experience. Where east meets west, where nationalism hinges on the quest to modernization, where the call for prayers is blasted five times a day in every nook of the city, along side catchy rhythm of electronic fusion turkish folklore.

It is a muslim country where alcohol holds a special understanding between the glass shot and God.
Sneakers are don with Gucci shades and rainboots are good all year round.
Every cafe is a breakfast saloon, at any given time of the day.

I greet the sunset, live through sunrise and repeat step one all over again.
Four months, seemingly unreal, but I loved every minute of it.

Sherefe.

stumbling upon the most beautiful but demented creature on earth is quite a nerve wrecking experience.

I’m pressing all balls and buttons to get my arse into the industry. Just to stay on in this country.

Corporate bitch is back!

Dum dum dum dum. I can’t wait to party, the sun is looking at me.

Met the cutest-most hilarious-sweetest gay boy over the weekend and he’s leaving for Bulgaria tomorrow for his med sch. I’m shattered. I am.

I’ll see u in Varna, I will.