all begins with L

on why i’m at peace: this is a cut&paste so don’t be offended. )

“Alright, here we go.

Eight months on and I am declaring that my quarter life crisis is coming to a proper wrap. After series of interviews, taking aims and pursuing ‘proper’ jobs, I walked away from the last interview feeling utterly relieved knowing that I wouldnt be taking up the position despite putting on a good show.

After an hour of grilling the CEO looked at me and say that I am not one who value sales as much as marketing. I looked at him and went “absolutely.” We all know that a good product is a matter of being communicated, sales is a by-bonus end results. Chey-bah. )

After which I recommended him a good restaurant to have lunch in and he asked me to join him. But then I thought my time with him that day was already over stretched.

I am however meeting him again for possible collaboration. I’m beginning to embrace this mantra of working with people, not for people, even if you’re in a company. And that’s exactly what I’m gearing on with this coffee stint.

True enough, couple of weeks down the road, I saw the present in light. I start to work with what’s around me, my customers, my colleagues, the bosses and just working with the present value.

After seven months I’ve gradually make known to the managers of what I really want to do professionally and right now I’m co-interior designing the new coming cafe these guys are setting up. End of August I’ll be heading to Italy for the Biennale.

Coming back I’ll be starting an introductory course on Interior Design, not a masters nor a bachelor but a starting point. I’m beginning to love London for what it’s worth. Even today taking a new bus route home, I chance upon a road I’ve yet to stroll by.

It hasn’t been easy, I’ve made fools out of myself and still catching myself doing so at times, I’ve gotten quiet lately, perhaps having something to do makes you talk less, and if you talk less then you’ll really find something to do. The equation seems to work at present moment.”

THE FOLLOWING IS NOT CUT&PASTE, SO PAY ATTENTION. )

well, yes the ceo extended a dinner invitation next week. why not. and there’s a new distraction in town. when i get a name, i’ll let you know.

i found an interior design course from st martin which i’ll be signing up for when i get back from Italy. starts in October. Lola leaves London for good tomorrow, i’m quite sad about it actually.

i kinda fought with Sanran, I don’t know how to put it across to him that I can’t be friends with him anymore unless we completely put aside this intimacy.

on a more trivial note, i’m meeting ms. elizaveta tomorrow.

man?women?man?women? is never the question. )

you, i miss, as always.

now what next
for the coming decade

ps. i miss the family

am utterly pleased that i/ive
a) amazon-ed a china-made cam charger to lola’s place, because i left mine in istanbul
b) transfered 30gb of space to my hard disk
c) have 320gb new space to live with

now all i need/want is/are

d) ear muffs
e) more socks
f) in soles
g) drawing blocks
h) pencils

the frenchie has booked her train tic on april 2nd, and booked me a dinner lined up in the front row with kaki king.

yay.

there’s a certain ritual to ushering in the new year, or rather if you’re a less futuristic person (with a history major) you would say instead, ‘to wrap up the year’. And they are almost accurately as follows:

a) reading old letters/blog post
b) scrolling through phone numbers
c) and delete those you’d probably not need to remember about (or pursue) in the new phase of your life
d) decide whether you really should delete their numbers
e) chart how old your virtual pets are, namely your blog, your flickr acccount, your twitter account, ourchart account, hotmail account??!
f) re reading certain post and stomach a guffaw, re re re reading another post
g) that brings a trip down memory lane that turns into another lane, then goes waaay into the back lane
h) and go “omg C, look what i found!!”
i) and go bloody hell! my blog is turning three!

the flings, the affairs, the trials, the pursuits, the fantasies that partially morphed into bitter sweet realities, here we we go again.

when i made plans for london ten years ago, i didn’t know you would take me seriously, down to the nitty gritty details of

a) the starting from scratch (or rather from negative) bit
b) the being homeless bit
c) hopefully i don’t have to go through the ‘washing dishes in chinatown’ bit

from british american tobacco to a few digital media companies, and two starbucks outlet. the starbucks bit is quite hard to swallow. *avoid shoe flying from purist coffee friends/fans. their baristas are seemingly tripping twenty four seven.

“HELLO, HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE? (BIG SMILE), TALL? GRANDE? (BIG SMILE) DRY? (BIG SMILE) WET? (BIG SMILE) I’M SORRY? (BIG SMILE)

creepy.

love.love.LOVE.

…the illusion of effortlessness requires great effort, indeed.

I’m reading

“I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear
I learn by going where I have to go.” Slaugter House 5

I’m listening

“Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.” Coldplay

I’m watching

Crossing the Bridge

I’m wishing

for my 23rd, that grandma will open her eyes for me and the world again.

truly truly baffled by how life is taking shape right now.
crossing 3 continents, 2 time zones, 3 times with half of my original luggage on a return fare from a place unlisted in my itinerary

to see the one woman of my life,
my grandmother.

dear God, please don’t.

UNITED FOOLS - Collectif Electro Instrumental.

Seriously, I’m in love.

i am pro eventual honesty.

“Imagine The Greatest Hits of Bobby Darin minus ‘Mack the Knife’. That’s what my life would be like without you.”
- Sputnik Sweetheart

And that was it, that was enough to make me come home.

granted that you is no longer the you I used to read about everyday. You is someone else. And every yours is no longer mine and every we that I am no longer part of.

because she doesn’t need to know of my existence when every fucking day is you i read about.

I love this fucking song.

Today’s concert was a reflection of what life is like on a death bed. People were leaving, doors were creaking and phone lights flicking. I stayed on because I paid.

Then at that very last minute the quirky quartet and the ancient trio pulled together and went on a stomp.

The heart beat was revived, the crowd went mad, there was a standing ovation. Who would have thought.

Like life you know, probably too much of a tease, but it is worth pulling through.

Man pisses me off. Alot.

On a side note, Happy International Woman’s Day.

A tough fight between these three

One - a childhood sweetheart
Two - falling head over heals for
Three - don’t know you but I’m

london, istanbul or toronto?

Yesterday I walked out alone, took the bus alone, took another bus alone, took the train alone and made my way to where I am suppose to be, in an unfamiliar territory.

The sudden rush of independence, the ability to walk and arrive, and realize that in this life there is no one else but you, to make everything happen the way you want it to be - a once familiar territory.

This is not growing up, this life as it should be. I did it once, I’ll do it again.

God I love the original version, way more. Stunning choreography. Stunning.